I was listening to Search Engine's most recent episode: "How to stop being so phone addicted (without self-discipline or meditation". You should listen to it, but after you've read this blog post. PJ, the host, is chatting with David Pierce from The Verge about their persistent fears about their, and our, relationship to the online world through our smartphones and the social internet.
They are worried, like a lot of us are worried, about how similar our relationships to our phones look and feel like things we would call "real" addictions (or dependencies; misuse). Things like alcohol and other recreational drugs. I won't labour the explanation - you are probably familiar with it, and maybe even concerned about it.
Despite these worries and feeling like we spend "too much" time on our phones, probably on social media, and feel anxious about what the smartphone's triumph over boredom means for our brains… we keep coming back. They stay in our pockets, we keep Instagram or TikTok or Reddit on our home screens.
Hence the comparison to substance addiction, dependency, and misuse disorders; or to abusive or unhealthy interpersonal relationships.
One of the ways we are pulled back in, despite our best intentions, is through push notifications, which create a juicy bump for our brains. Even better: 90-99% of the time, a push notification brings only banal information: there's a sale on, new newsletter just dropped.
But 1-9% of the time: it's juicy. A message from someone you like, a job offer, a reply to a DM, your favourite podcast just dropped a new episode.
Our brains love rewards that are unpredictable and occasionally strongly positive.
We feel some sense of duty to these notifications, because sometimes they give us the Strong Feels. We should be on standby, and triage them as soon as they come in.
What if we missed something important?
But what was the last notification you received?
What was the last important notification you received?
Unless it was something unusually noteworthy, you probably don't know what your last push notification was.
We feel compelled to react immediately to push notifications, to be on hand to triage them, but we don't remember them.
What was the last book you were reading (with eyes or ears)? What was the last movie you chose to watch? Who did you last share a meal with? What was the last artist or record you craved to hear? What was the last game you played (tabletop- or video-)? Who would you love to talk to, most in the world right now? Where are your favourite pair of jeans?
When something is important to us, actually important - we remember them. We don't scramble to try and replay the last time we picked up our phone screen and looked at it.
I'm not giving some holier-than-thou advice. I actively limit who can send me notifications (way less than 50% of the apps on my phone), and I have a Focus Mode schedule that blocks notifications in the evening and during work hours.
I use an app called Jomo to limit me to 15 minutes of social media a day, and to shut down access to social media later into the night.
But still I feel myself pulled towards them. I see that little 1 Notification on my Lock Screen and I think "oh". I still get lost on the low-value Subreddits when I only went on to find DIY advice. I still don't read as much as I want to because I feel too tired, but would rather scroll than go to bed.