It might be my specific internet bubble, but two phrases I hear a lot online are: "this is just my opinion" or "this is just how it feels to me".
I implore you: stop using these phrases. Stop using them in situations where subjective opinion or personal preference are the default. You do not need to say them, you are dismissing or belittling your own thoughts or opinions.
I can think of so few situations where this explicit flag serves a purpose. You're kind of assuming they're going to do like two things:
- Either, the phrase will stop your reader/listener from feeling like your opinion threatens their own and will be less angry, or
- They will hear your argument more generously, or less worthy of criticism or contradiction, because it is only a personal opinion.
What this phrase will never do is cause a (generous) reader to set aside an expectation of objective truth, and be satisfied with a subjective opinion.
Think about any single thing that you're good at or experienced in. I'm good at sewing, there is no "best" anything: sewing machine brand, thread manufacturer, pattern designer, cutting tools. Every craft has these kind of small divisions, and I have strong opinions about all of the above.
I could try to sand-down my opinions of all value judgements, I could say "I prefer hand-basting to pinning, but really both work and you can do whatever you want, honestly it doesn't matter so long as you enjoy the process".
Alternatively, I could say that I think we should default to hand-basting even though it takes more time, because it's more precise, and you work more closely with your cloth, I think it's more responsive to the garment you're making.
No amount of "actually in my opinion" is going to change my mind on this issue. But you understood, as I said above, that I am just expressing an opinion.
So long as we are talking about situations where personal preference is the topic, you don't need to flag that you have a personal preference.
This is boring
We all have different opinions and preferences. This violates one of my long-standing smell tests: is what I am about to say interesting?
It's bland to say that different people are different.
But what, exactly, do you think a personality is, if not something that can be expressed through a series of preferences ?
I worry that constantly defaulting to opinions or preferences weakens other important discussions.
It would be weird to discuss my preferred garment construction method in my personal tailoring practice within the same framework as questions like "how many human rights should this person have?" or "how much polio is too much polio" (all and any, respectively).
But people are still out here, very proudly, with their name and face attached to their opinion, telling us that some people do actually deserve less human rights, and that some polio is a fair price to pay for their inalienable right to make poor collective decisions.
If people can say those things and gaslight you into thinking not only that maybe you're wrong, but that this is a discussion of personal opinions that we're all invited to - then you can get through your next speech without laying down a goose down pillow for an unreasonably angry listener's expectations.
Bring it back, Wils
Sorry, online dis/misinformation spreading took over my train of thought again.
Thinking generously, these phrases evolved as successful preventative phrases against the ever-present threat of the internet's criticism sewer pipeline.
That's not just a funny dismissive name, I think the anger and criticism that someone could feel because someone else is attempting to launder their opinion as fact is waste. Even worse than real sewage, I don't think it's even fertile.
To say the Wrong Thing, or worse, to have someone hear what you said as the Wrong Thing, can lead to loud criticism. This isn't a new or unchanging thing, but it's secondary to my point today.
If I ever ran some kind of social media empire, I would start every single review or discussion with "what I am about to say is objective truth, to which you cannot disagree; I have never expressed an opinion, and if I had it would have been the correct opinion"
I really can't say it enough: I think people are blasting past some very important, and entirely philosophical (and therefore flexible or changeable), questions like "what makes something 'true'" and "what is 'certainty'?" and just kind of going on vibes. Like most humans have done for all of history.
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